1 00:00:00,625 --> 00:00:05,016 Britain and America, the two most respected countries in the world. 2 00:00:05,255 --> 00:00:08,691 That we also have the most weapons is purely coincidental. 3 00:00:08,884 --> 00:00:11,318 And yet, there are many differences between us. 4 00:00:11,471 --> 00:00:14,668 You have no idea what art and literature are. 5 00:00:14,850 --> 00:00:17,683 We have no idea what Hannah Montana is. 6 00:00:17,853 --> 00:00:20,765 You know nothing of manners or social etiquette. 7 00:00:20,940 --> 00:00:24,728 We are unfamiliar with Chuck E Cheese's Pizza Emporiums. 8 00:00:24,944 --> 00:00:28,903 But the people of our two nations also share so much, 9 00:00:29,116 --> 00:00:31,152 as we are about to find out. 10 00:00:31,285 --> 00:00:34,675 It's time for Little Britain USA. 11 00:00:35,039 --> 00:00:37,507 One of the most popular pastimes in Britain, 12 00:00:37,667 --> 00:00:40,420 after dog-fighting and mocking the afflicted, 13 00:00:40,587 --> 00:00:43,181 is transvestism. 14 00:00:43,340 --> 00:00:45,979 Excuse me! I did not steal a dress! 15 00:00:46,135 --> 00:00:47,966 I was merely trying it on for size, 16 00:00:48,096 --> 00:00:51,293 forgot to take it off and walked out of the store. Silly me! 17 00:00:51,475 --> 00:00:54,069 - Tell it to the judge. - Unhand me, you brute! 18 00:00:54,228 --> 00:00:57,698 Rape, rape, lady rape! Oh, oh! 19 00:00:57,899 --> 00:00:59,457 (ENGINE STARTING) 20 00:01:00,652 --> 00:01:02,927 At this police station in Pittsburgh, 21 00:01:03,071 --> 00:01:07,223 British transvestite Emily Howard has found himself in a spot of bother. 22 00:01:07,451 --> 00:01:08,964 You need to do your mug shots. 23 00:01:09,078 --> 00:01:10,875 Wonderful! 24 00:01:10,997 --> 00:01:13,306 Face the camera, please, sir. 25 00:01:15,043 --> 00:01:15,953 Turn to your left. 26 00:01:16,837 --> 00:01:18,475 Turn to the right. 27 00:01:18,589 --> 00:01:21,581 Oooooh, fashion! 28 00:01:25,389 --> 00:01:27,220 OK, name? 29 00:01:27,349 --> 00:01:29,021 Emily Howard. 30 00:01:31,854 --> 00:01:33,253 (LOW PITCH) Eddie Howard. 31 00:01:34,441 --> 00:01:35,476 Sex? 32 00:01:35,567 --> 00:01:37,080 We've only just met! 33 00:01:37,194 --> 00:01:38,343 Gender. 34 00:01:38,445 --> 00:01:41,835 Well, how utterly absurd! I'm a lady. I do ladies' things. 35 00:01:43,326 --> 00:01:45,157 (LOW PITCH) Male. 36 00:01:45,286 --> 00:01:46,514 Marital status? 37 00:01:47,873 --> 00:01:50,751 Many proposals from eligible gentlemen, 38 00:01:50,918 --> 00:01:52,909 but I don't have a ring on my finger just yet. 39 00:01:54,213 --> 00:01:56,522 (LOW PITCH) Wife and three kids. 40 00:01:59,386 --> 00:02:00,785 OK, you're allowed one phone call. 41 00:02:04,433 --> 00:02:06,469 (DIALLING) 42 00:02:06,602 --> 00:02:08,274 (RINGING TONE) 43 00:02:10,190 --> 00:02:11,828 Hello, Tommy? 44 00:02:11,942 --> 00:02:13,773 It's Daddy. 45 00:02:13,902 --> 00:02:15,255 Is Mummy there? 46 00:02:15,362 --> 00:02:19,913 No. Well, can you tell Mummy Daddy's been arrested? 47 00:02:21,244 --> 00:02:24,634 He's in a police station and he's wearing a dress... 48 00:02:24,831 --> 00:02:27,299 but there's nothing to worry about. 49 00:02:27,459 --> 00:02:29,097 OK. Bye. 50 00:02:31,089 --> 00:02:32,078 (MOUTHING) 51 00:02:33,258 --> 00:02:38,810 It is a widely known fact that 90% of Americans cannot write their own name. 52 00:02:39,098 --> 00:02:40,975 Just watering this plant. 53 00:02:41,100 --> 00:02:44,536 But the top minds in the country attend universities like this one. 54 00:02:44,729 --> 00:02:46,162 (KNOCKING) Come in! 55 00:02:48,400 --> 00:02:49,389 Hey, Linda. 56 00:02:49,485 --> 00:02:52,841 - Hello, Steven. Take a seat. - Sure. 57 00:02:54,115 --> 00:02:56,106 So... 58 00:02:57,327 --> 00:02:58,806 How can I help you? 59 00:02:58,912 --> 00:02:59,947 Well, all I need to know 60 00:03:00,038 --> 00:03:03,348 is when my essay on contemporary African-American playwrights is due in. 61 00:03:03,542 --> 00:03:07,376 I'm not sure. I'll call Martin and find out. 62 00:03:10,133 --> 00:03:12,852 Martin, it's Linda. 63 00:03:13,012 --> 00:03:16,641 I've got a student here, needs to know when his essay is due in. 64 00:03:16,849 --> 00:03:17,838 (WHISPERING) Yeah. 65 00:03:17,934 --> 00:03:21,688 Steven, Steven Morrow. The grad student. You know Steven. 66 00:03:21,897 --> 00:03:24,491 Um, how can I describe him? 67 00:03:24,650 --> 00:03:28,245 Er, black hair, nice jazzy waistcoats. 68 00:03:28,446 --> 00:03:29,674 Puts you in mind of a Hobbit. 69 00:03:31,449 --> 00:03:33,007 Gets his clothes from Baby Gap. 70 00:03:34,119 --> 00:03:35,438 Would've made a fabulous Ewok. 71 00:03:37,331 --> 00:03:40,368 You know... (AS GARY COLEMAN) "Whatchu talkin' about, Willis?" 72 00:03:40,543 --> 00:03:43,011 That's the one, yeah. 73 00:03:43,171 --> 00:03:45,810 Yes, I did the face. Yes. Thanks. 74 00:03:45,966 --> 00:03:48,639 It's due in on Monday. 75 00:03:48,802 --> 00:03:49,791 Thanks. 76 00:03:52,515 --> 00:03:56,394 77 00:04:01,609 --> 00:04:03,998 The best way for the American male 78 00:04:04,153 --> 00:04:08,783 to indulge his repressed homoerotic tendencies is to attend a gym. 79 00:04:10,118 --> 00:04:13,076 - Impressive shower. - Truly so. 80 00:04:18,545 --> 00:04:20,297 Whoar! 81 00:04:20,422 --> 00:04:22,538 Whoar. 82 00:04:30,141 --> 00:04:31,779 Oooh! 83 00:04:31,893 --> 00:04:33,531 Man, that is funny! 84 00:04:33,645 --> 00:04:37,638 Whoa! Don't you dare do that to me after I've just done that to you. 85 00:04:37,858 --> 00:04:39,371 - Whoa! - Whoa! 86 00:04:39,485 --> 00:04:42,079 (LAUGHING) 87 00:04:42,238 --> 00:04:43,876 - Whoa! - Whoa! 88 00:04:45,117 --> 00:04:46,596 Whoa! 89 00:04:46,702 --> 00:04:48,055 Whoa, you've got a... 90 00:04:49,789 --> 00:04:51,859 (GASPING) 91 00:04:52,000 --> 00:04:53,069 Oh, you've got a... 92 00:04:53,168 --> 00:04:55,079 Ooh! 93 00:04:55,212 --> 00:04:58,170 Ah, ah, OK, don't worry, bro. 94 00:04:58,340 --> 00:05:00,092 It's all good. 95 00:05:00,217 --> 00:05:04,256 Just imagine you're taking a cold shower with Danny DeVito. 96 00:05:04,472 --> 00:05:07,908 (BREATHING DEEPLY) 97 00:05:08,101 --> 00:05:10,012 That's making it worse! 98 00:05:10,145 --> 00:05:12,215 Me too! 99 00:05:13,483 --> 00:05:18,318 One of the inmates at this boot camp in Utah is British teenager Vicky Pollard. 100 00:05:18,572 --> 00:05:20,961 Vicky has been getting into trouble all her life. 101 00:05:21,116 --> 00:05:24,506 Her first court appearance for assault was when she was two. 102 00:05:24,704 --> 00:05:28,458 Vicky Pollard! Are you trying to escape? 103 00:05:28,667 --> 00:05:31,261 Errrrm... 104 00:05:31,420 --> 00:05:36,335 No, but yeah, but no, but yeah, but no, 105 00:05:36,592 --> 00:05:38,822 I'm not, actually, because what happened was this whole thing happened 106 00:05:38,970 --> 00:05:41,609 what I don't even know nothing about cos I was, like, totally asleep 107 00:05:41,765 --> 00:05:44,279 and then all of a sudden I heard this little bird tweeting 108 00:05:44,435 --> 00:05:45,914 like it was stuck up on a fence or something 109 00:05:46,020 --> 00:05:48,580 so I climbed up here to save it and I got caught instead. 110 00:05:48,731 --> 00:05:51,609 But that's, like, typical of me because I'll do anything for animals 111 00:05:51,776 --> 00:05:54,688 cos I totally love them and I've only got one conviction for animal cruelty 112 00:05:54,863 --> 00:05:58,299 and that was only because I tied Bethany Ray's hamster to a firework and set it off 113 00:05:58,492 --> 00:06:00,528 and she called the police and said I killed it and I got done for it. 114 00:06:00,661 --> 00:06:02,970 But they never found the body so how could they prove it was hamster murder? 115 00:06:03,123 --> 00:06:05,762 We take attempts to escape very seriously. 116 00:06:05,917 --> 00:06:08,875 Oh, my God, I so can't believe you just said that. 117 00:06:09,046 --> 00:06:12,595 I've not never even tried to escape or nothing. I, like, totally love this place. 118 00:06:12,800 --> 00:06:15,030 You're so kind to us and you really look after us 119 00:06:15,178 --> 00:06:17,533 and you're always, like, making sure we're nice and clean. 120 00:06:17,681 --> 00:06:19,478 That must be why you always watch us take a shower. 121 00:06:22,311 --> 00:06:23,539 We need to get you down 122 00:06:23,646 --> 00:06:27,275 and then I'm gonna take you straight to the head warden's office. 123 00:06:27,484 --> 00:06:30,362 Good! Good! Cos I was gonna go and see the head warden anyway 124 00:06:30,529 --> 00:06:32,247 because I'm gonna sue this place 125 00:06:32,364 --> 00:06:34,275 cos this barbed wire has totally ripped my leggings. 126 00:06:34,408 --> 00:06:36,842 You do realise that because you tried to escape 127 00:06:36,995 --> 00:06:40,226 that your sentence will now be increased by another six months. 128 00:06:40,415 --> 00:06:41,564 I don't even care. 129 00:06:41,667 --> 00:06:44,227 You were due to be released tomorrow. 130 00:06:44,378 --> 00:06:45,970 Oh. 131 00:06:47,173 --> 00:06:48,891 (OWL HOOTING) 132 00:06:49,008 --> 00:06:51,363 That has actually shut me up. 133 00:06:52,637 --> 00:06:56,186 Ellie Grace is a typical, everyday American girl, 134 00:06:56,392 --> 00:07:00,226 except that she is played by a 34-year-old British man. 135 00:07:00,438 --> 00:07:03,908 Now, I know you're gonna be very brave, Ellie Grace. 136 00:07:04,109 --> 00:07:07,579 Tonsils are teeny weeny. They're gonna be out before you know it. 137 00:07:07,780 --> 00:07:09,418 I know, Grandma. 138 00:07:09,532 --> 00:07:12,000 And when you're better, we're all gonna go to Disneyland. 139 00:07:12,160 --> 00:07:13,434 To where, dear? 140 00:07:13,536 --> 00:07:14,651 To Disneyland. 141 00:07:14,746 --> 00:07:19,376 Oh, yes. Oh, yes. Disneyland. Yes. 142 00:07:19,627 --> 00:07:22,061 I love you, Grandma. I love you, Mom. 143 00:07:22,213 --> 00:07:24,204 We love you too, Ellie Grace. 144 00:07:24,340 --> 00:07:26,695 I love you more than snowflakes. 145 00:07:26,843 --> 00:07:29,596 I love you more than sunshine. 146 00:07:29,763 --> 00:07:32,402 I love you more than ponies. 147 00:07:32,558 --> 00:07:33,957 I love you more than teddy bears. 148 00:07:34,060 --> 00:07:36,733 Oh! I love you more than cartoons. 149 00:07:36,896 --> 00:07:38,852 I love you more than ice cream. 150 00:07:38,982 --> 00:07:42,497 I love you more than interracial gang bangs. 151 00:07:45,031 --> 00:07:46,510 What did she say? 152 00:07:46,616 --> 00:07:48,049 I said I love you more than inter... 153 00:07:48,159 --> 00:07:52,152 We don't need to hear it again, Ellie Grace! Where did you get that from? 154 00:07:52,372 --> 00:07:56,843 Some of the older boys at school said they saw a DVD of men and women 155 00:07:57,086 --> 00:08:00,203 of different ethnic origins partaking in sexual intercourse with each other. 156 00:08:00,382 --> 00:08:02,942 Well, that stuff is just dirty, Ellie Grace. 157 00:08:03,093 --> 00:08:07,052 But I thought you said it was good if people from all races got along together. 158 00:08:07,264 --> 00:08:09,983 Yes, but not that well. 159 00:08:10,143 --> 00:08:11,178 What's all this? 160 00:08:11,269 --> 00:08:13,339 Oh, nothing, Mom. 161 00:08:13,480 --> 00:08:15,630 Hey, there's my brave girl! 162 00:08:15,774 --> 00:08:19,130 Are you ready now for your little operation? 163 00:08:19,320 --> 00:08:20,799 Sure I am. 164 00:08:31,042 --> 00:08:33,875 I love you more than Toy Story 2. 165 00:08:35,130 --> 00:08:37,360 I love you more than marshmallows. 166 00:08:37,507 --> 00:08:39,463 Oh, ha, I love you more than Snoopy. 167 00:08:39,593 --> 00:08:42,027 I love you more than cupcakes. 168 00:08:42,179 --> 00:08:43,851 I love you more than black cock. 169 00:08:43,973 --> 00:08:45,725 (LIFT PINGS) 170 00:08:48,895 --> 00:08:50,214 What was that, dear? 171 00:08:50,314 --> 00:08:52,782 I said, I love you more than black cock! 172 00:08:54,026 --> 00:08:56,745 Takes after her old grandma! 173 00:09:00,784 --> 00:09:05,062 The number-one drink in Britain is boiling water. 174 00:09:05,289 --> 00:09:09,646 But in America, it is not uncommon to add some coffee beans, 175 00:09:09,878 --> 00:09:12,551 hence the success of coffee-shop chains. 176 00:09:12,714 --> 00:09:14,670 ...Other than Starbucks. 177 00:09:14,800 --> 00:09:17,872 So this is the site of the first Starbucks in the district. 178 00:09:18,054 --> 00:09:22,366 We're always looking for other properties to expand the Starbucks franchise, 179 00:09:22,601 --> 00:09:27,231 so we've just bought this store and we're gonna turn it into a Starbucks. 180 00:09:27,481 --> 00:09:30,359 - The store right next to the Starbucks. - That's right. 181 00:09:30,526 --> 00:09:34,121 Say you've just come out of this Starbucks and you want another Starbucks. 182 00:09:34,322 --> 00:09:36,597 - You can just go into this Starbucks. - OK! 183 00:09:36,742 --> 00:09:40,621 This store we've made an offer on, we thought it'd make the perfect site for... 184 00:09:40,830 --> 00:09:41,819 A Starbucks! 185 00:09:41,914 --> 00:09:44,508 The one right next to the other two Starbucks. 186 00:09:44,667 --> 00:09:47,898 That's right. Crucially, this Starbucks is different than the others. 187 00:09:48,088 --> 00:09:49,203 In what way, Steve? 188 00:09:49,298 --> 00:09:52,529 Well, Steve, we at Starbucks have had a lot of success 189 00:09:52,718 --> 00:09:55,676 in putting branches inside other stores, for instance, Barnes and Noble. 190 00:09:55,847 --> 00:09:57,200 We sure have! 191 00:09:59,643 --> 00:10:03,113 So in this Starbucks we're gonna build a Starbucks. 192 00:10:03,314 --> 00:10:06,545 - A Starbucks in a Starbucks! - That's right. 193 00:10:06,734 --> 00:10:10,443 So now you won't have to leave Starbucks to enjoy Starbucks in your Starbucks. 194 00:10:10,655 --> 00:10:12,452 Starbucks. 195 00:10:12,574 --> 00:10:14,849 Starbucks. 196 00:10:14,994 --> 00:10:17,349 Starbucks. Starbucks. 197 00:10:17,497 --> 00:10:18,930 Starbu... 198 00:10:19,040 --> 00:10:20,359 (ELECTRICAL CRACKLE) 199 00:10:22,794 --> 00:10:27,106 Our next stop is the Capitol Building in Washington DC. 200 00:10:27,341 --> 00:10:31,414 As in Britain, if you have a keen interest in dodgy share dealings 201 00:10:31,638 --> 00:10:35,597 and illicit sexual liaisons, you may like to become a politician. 202 00:10:35,809 --> 00:10:39,961 Please, please. The senator would now like to make a statement. Thank you. 203 00:10:40,189 --> 00:10:46,219 On Thursday evening, after a meeting with the Secretary of State, 204 00:10:46,530 --> 00:10:50,079 I was driving home to my beloved wife and children 205 00:10:50,284 --> 00:10:54,516 when I saw an Afro-Caribbean lady standing by the side of the road 206 00:10:54,747 --> 00:10:58,820 in what I am now told is a notorious red-light district. 207 00:11:01,088 --> 00:11:04,398 As it was 2 o'clock in the morning, and being a responsible citizen, 208 00:11:04,592 --> 00:11:07,629 I thought the lady might appreciate a ride home, 209 00:11:07,804 --> 00:11:09,954 so I invited her into my car. 210 00:11:11,684 --> 00:11:14,198 It was an unseasonably warm evening 211 00:11:14,353 --> 00:11:17,151 so we both decided to take off all our clothes. 212 00:11:18,900 --> 00:11:22,688 It then became clear to me that the lady was in fact a transsexual. 213 00:11:22,905 --> 00:11:26,614 By which I mean a person, usually a Democrat, 214 00:11:26,826 --> 00:11:30,580 with female appearance, but male genitalia. 215 00:11:30,789 --> 00:11:36,182 Then myself and the transsexual, or Raymond, as he is known, 216 00:11:36,462 --> 00:11:40,011 climbed onto the back seat to engage in a bout of wrestling. 217 00:11:40,216 --> 00:11:44,209 My wife will vouch for me. I'm a keen fan of contact sports. 218 00:11:47,516 --> 00:11:49,188 I then became hungry. 219 00:11:49,310 --> 00:11:56,261 I went to take a bite of what I fatally assumed was a big, black hot dog. 220 00:11:56,610 --> 00:11:58,885 At that moment the police arrived. 221 00:11:59,029 --> 00:12:01,862 Thank you so much. That is all I have to say. Thank you. Thank you. 222 00:12:02,033 --> 00:12:05,184 (CLAMOUR OF QUESTIONS) 223 00:12:09,374 --> 00:12:12,172 Americans like to holiday in their own country, 224 00:12:12,336 --> 00:12:15,134 which suits the rest of the world just fine. 225 00:12:18,301 --> 00:12:20,292 Lovely afternoon, isn't it? 226 00:12:20,429 --> 00:12:22,385 Oh, beautiful. So warm. 227 00:12:22,514 --> 00:12:26,746 - Pardon me. Anyone sitting here? - What? Uh, no, please, take a seat. 228 00:12:26,978 --> 00:12:28,411 - Thank you so much. - Go right ahead. 229 00:12:28,521 --> 00:12:31,593 - Great hotel. - Oh, yes. We come here every year. 230 00:12:31,942 --> 00:12:34,297 - So do we. We love it here. - Where are you folks from? 231 00:12:34,445 --> 00:12:37,323 - We're from North Carolina. - Oh, how funny! So are we. 232 00:12:37,490 --> 00:12:40,084 Oh. We're from a little place in New Hanover County. 233 00:12:40,243 --> 00:12:42,120 - So are we. - Oh, funny! 234 00:12:42,245 --> 00:12:44,679 - Do you know Crestwood? - That's where we're from. 235 00:12:44,832 --> 00:12:45,821 We live in Crestwood! 236 00:12:45,916 --> 00:12:46,985 - No. - I don't believe it. 237 00:12:47,084 --> 00:12:50,235 - What are the chances of that? - I don't know. (LAUGHING) 238 00:12:50,421 --> 00:12:51,979 So whereabouts in Crestwood are you? 239 00:12:52,090 --> 00:12:56,049 Oh, if you're coming from the town centre, you pass the church on your left 240 00:12:56,261 --> 00:12:58,217 and it's the second turn on your right. Brooke View Drive. 241 00:12:58,347 --> 00:13:01,623 - BOTH: We live on Brooke View Drive! - You live on Brooke View Drive? 242 00:13:01,809 --> 00:13:05,199 - Sure. Now what number Brooke View Drive? - 42. 243 00:13:05,397 --> 00:13:06,750 (SILENCE) 244 00:13:08,484 --> 00:13:12,636 But... we live... at 42 Brooke View Drive. 245 00:13:15,700 --> 00:13:16,769 What are your names? 246 00:13:16,868 --> 00:13:19,018 Steve and Wendy Ashby. 247 00:13:23,835 --> 00:13:25,905 We're Steve and Wendy Ashby. 248 00:13:31,468 --> 00:13:33,936 ALL: Ohh... 249 00:13:37,517 --> 00:13:40,475 Back at the university... 250 00:13:40,645 --> 00:13:43,000 Mm. Moist croissant. 251 00:13:43,148 --> 00:13:44,422 (KNOCK AT DOOR) 252 00:13:44,525 --> 00:13:45,753 Come in. 253 00:13:46,777 --> 00:13:47,766 Hi, Linda. 254 00:13:47,862 --> 00:13:50,740 Ah, hello, Darin. Take a seat. 255 00:13:51,992 --> 00:13:53,903 How can I help you? 256 00:13:54,036 --> 00:13:57,392 Linda, I was wondering if I could get an extension 257 00:13:57,581 --> 00:13:58,696 on my dissertation on feminist poetry. 258 00:13:58,791 --> 00:14:02,306 It's due in on Thursday and I think I need the weekend to finish it. 259 00:14:02,504 --> 00:14:05,894 I'm not sure. I'll call Martin and find out. 260 00:14:10,054 --> 00:14:12,090 Martin, it's Linda. 261 00:14:12,223 --> 00:14:16,057 I've got a student here who needs an extension on his dissertation. 262 00:14:16,269 --> 00:14:19,386 Darin. Darin Chao. 263 00:14:19,565 --> 00:14:22,716 How can I describe him? Um... 264 00:14:22,902 --> 00:14:28,454 Black hair, big fan of noodles. Pen pals with Clay Aiken. 265 00:14:30,911 --> 00:14:33,027 That's right, the ladyboy. 266 00:14:34,457 --> 00:14:35,856 OK. 267 00:14:35,959 --> 00:14:37,028 He says that's fine. 268 00:14:38,169 --> 00:14:39,363 Thanks. 269 00:14:44,844 --> 00:14:45,833 Bye. 270 00:14:45,928 --> 00:14:48,237 Me love you long time! 271 00:14:51,435 --> 00:14:55,826 Today, British tourists Lou and Andy are visiting a zoo. 272 00:14:56,065 --> 00:14:58,738 Like many British people, I was raised in a zoo. 273 00:14:58,902 --> 00:15:01,496 I still won't eat fish unless you throw it at me. 274 00:15:01,655 --> 00:15:06,126 - I wanna go and see the Ewoks. - No, you don't get Ewoks in a zoo, Andy. 275 00:15:06,368 --> 00:15:07,005 I know. 276 00:15:07,078 --> 00:15:10,627 LOU: Now. Do you know what kind of animal that is? 277 00:15:10,832 --> 00:15:12,629 Monkey. 278 00:15:12,751 --> 00:15:15,948 No, it's not a monkey, it's a lion. 279 00:15:16,130 --> 00:15:17,279 Yeah, I know. 280 00:15:17,381 --> 00:15:20,851 Now, that's a male lion. Do you know what female lions are called? 281 00:15:21,052 --> 00:15:23,361 Mrs Lion. 282 00:15:24,598 --> 00:15:29,149 No, it's a lioness. Now, what do you think lions eat? 283 00:15:32,940 --> 00:15:33,929 Food. 284 00:15:35,110 --> 00:15:38,068 That's right! Yeah! Well done! 285 00:15:38,238 --> 00:15:40,468 Yeah, they do eat food. 286 00:15:40,616 --> 00:15:45,451 "The lion enjoys a diet that includes wildebeest, zebras and buffalo." 287 00:15:45,705 --> 00:15:47,935 Yeah, I know. I wanna go and stroke it. 288 00:15:48,083 --> 00:15:50,597 Oh, no, no, no. You're not allowed to stroke the lion. 289 00:15:50,752 --> 00:15:51,787 Yeah, you are. 290 00:15:51,879 --> 00:15:54,598 No, you're not. That would be exceedingly dangerous. 291 00:15:54,757 --> 00:15:57,954 Now, you wait here. I'll go and get you an ice cream. OK? 292 00:16:01,598 --> 00:16:07,389 Hello there, friend. Um, could I have two vanilla ice creams, please? 293 00:16:07,688 --> 00:16:10,043 In cones, if it's not too much of a kerfuffle. 294 00:16:10,191 --> 00:16:14,469 American money here. Just getting used to it cos I'm actually from England. 295 00:16:14,696 --> 00:16:18,211 You heard of England? It's a very nice country. 296 00:16:18,409 --> 00:16:22,960 Uh, it's not as big as this country. Um, I think probably a... 297 00:16:23,206 --> 00:16:25,720 (ROARING) 298 00:16:25,876 --> 00:16:28,151 Thanks for the ice cream, sir. 299 00:16:30,715 --> 00:16:32,626 (WET DRIPPING) 300 00:16:32,759 --> 00:16:33,669 What the? 301 00:16:34,886 --> 00:16:36,444 Have you got a plaster? 302 00:16:36,555 --> 00:16:40,548 (LIONS ROARING) 303 00:16:40,768 --> 00:16:42,599 It's all... coming out now. 304 00:16:42,895 --> 00:16:46,410 Like the British, Americans love dogs. 305 00:16:46,608 --> 00:16:49,964 Dogs were, of course, invented in 1952. 306 00:16:50,154 --> 00:16:53,226 So. What do you want for your dinner tonight, Mr Doggy? 307 00:16:53,407 --> 00:16:57,320 (GRUFFLY) I don't mind, Mom. Everything you give me is delicious. 308 00:16:57,537 --> 00:17:01,610 Oh, Mr Doggy! That's because Mommy loves you very much. 309 00:17:01,834 --> 00:17:03,745 (GRUFFLY) And I love you too, Mom. 310 00:17:03,878 --> 00:17:05,596 Mwah! 311 00:17:05,713 --> 00:17:07,351 Anything for my darling boy! (LAUGHING) 312 00:17:10,135 --> 00:17:11,363 (GRUFFLY) Look at that brick. 313 00:17:11,470 --> 00:17:13,700 Which one? 314 00:17:13,847 --> 00:17:15,326 (GRUFFLY) That one. 315 00:17:15,433 --> 00:17:17,742 Oh, yes. I see it. 316 00:17:17,894 --> 00:17:21,091 (GRUFFLY) Wouldn't you like to see that brick go through that store window? 317 00:17:21,273 --> 00:17:23,662 Well, I... I don't know. 318 00:17:23,817 --> 00:17:27,446 (GRUFFLY) Hear the smash. See the shards of glass fall to the ground, 319 00:17:27,655 --> 00:17:30,488 splintering everywhere, bringing chaos and confusion! 320 00:17:30,658 --> 00:17:34,776 No, I... I wouldn't wanna see that, Mr Doggy. 321 00:17:34,997 --> 00:17:39,707 (GRUFFLY) I would. I would love to see that. Imagine the distress it would cause. 322 00:17:39,961 --> 00:17:44,000 Come on, Mr Doggy. Let's get you that beefsteak. 323 00:17:44,215 --> 00:17:45,648 (GRUFFLY) Pick up the brick! 324 00:17:45,759 --> 00:17:47,317 No, I can't. 325 00:17:47,427 --> 00:17:49,224 (GRUFFLY) Pick up the brick! 326 00:17:49,346 --> 00:17:54,978 Oh, huh, if you say so, Mr Doggy... I... 327 00:17:57,105 --> 00:18:01,178 I, uh... Well, uh, I've got the brick, but I'm not throwing it through the window. 328 00:18:01,402 --> 00:18:02,551 - (GRUFFLY) Throw it! - No! 329 00:18:02,653 --> 00:18:04,006 (GRUFFLY) Throw it, you piece of shit! 330 00:18:04,113 --> 00:18:07,185 - No! - If you loved me, you'd do it. 331 00:18:07,367 --> 00:18:09,562 Ohhh... 332 00:18:09,703 --> 00:18:13,013 (SHATTERING GLASS) 333 00:18:13,207 --> 00:18:14,196 Are you happy now? 334 00:18:14,291 --> 00:18:16,521 Well, no! What in hell's name did you do that for? 335 00:18:16,669 --> 00:18:19,979 - But you told me to... - You are one crazy bitch. 336 00:18:20,173 --> 00:18:21,765 Oh! Oh! Oh! 337 00:18:22,092 --> 00:18:24,890 (FOGHORN BLARES) 338 00:18:25,054 --> 00:18:28,285 These British and American tourists are on a luxury cruise. 339 00:18:28,474 --> 00:18:31,591 The first cruise I ever came on was Tom Cruise. 340 00:18:31,770 --> 00:18:34,728 So what happened to Mrs Devere? 341 00:18:34,898 --> 00:18:37,776 Her credit card was fake, so we had no option but to put her off at Rio. 342 00:18:37,943 --> 00:18:39,012 Excellent. Thank you. 343 00:18:39,111 --> 00:18:40,226 Good evening. 344 00:18:40,321 --> 00:18:41,879 ALL: Good evening, Captain. 345 00:18:41,990 --> 00:18:44,220 And may I say, Mr Getty, what an honour it is to have you aboard. 346 00:18:44,367 --> 00:18:46,403 That's very kind of you. This food is delicious. 347 00:18:46,537 --> 00:18:49,654 Yes, the fish soup is extraordinary. 348 00:18:49,832 --> 00:18:52,505 Captain Douglas! 349 00:18:52,669 --> 00:18:55,388 Please, uh, carry on with your dinner. 350 00:18:55,547 --> 00:18:57,981 - Put her off at Rio, eh? - I'm sorry? 351 00:18:58,133 --> 00:19:00,044 You didn't know I was a champion swimmer, did you, darling? 352 00:19:00,177 --> 00:19:01,451 No, I didn't. 353 00:19:01,554 --> 00:19:05,433 Oh, yes. I doubled for Shelley Winters in The Poseidon Adventure. 354 00:19:05,642 --> 00:19:07,678 And I did some of the long shots in Free Willy. 355 00:19:07,811 --> 00:19:09,244 Please, Mrs Devere. 356 00:19:09,354 --> 00:19:11,345 Call me Bubbles, darling. Everybody does. 357 00:19:11,482 --> 00:19:15,111 - Can we have the discussion outside? - No, I think everybody should know. 358 00:19:15,320 --> 00:19:18,153 Excuse me. I'm just gonna get some assistance. 359 00:19:18,323 --> 00:19:21,076 I don't believe we've had the pleasure. Bubbles Devere. 360 00:19:21,243 --> 00:19:23,632 - Stuart Rawlinson. - Oh. 361 00:19:23,788 --> 00:19:26,256 - Bartok Tanner. - Oh. 362 00:19:26,416 --> 00:19:27,895 - Mary Rawlinson. - Ugh. 363 00:19:28,001 --> 00:19:29,320 Paul Getty the Second. 364 00:19:29,419 --> 00:19:34,652 Ooh! From the very rich Getty family? 365 00:19:34,925 --> 00:19:37,758 - Yes. Yes. - Oh. 366 00:19:38,888 --> 00:19:41,686 MARY: Ohh! 367 00:19:43,936 --> 00:19:48,168 So. Is there a Mrs Paul Getty the Second? 368 00:19:48,399 --> 00:19:51,038 Mrs Paul Getty passed away earlier this year. 369 00:19:51,194 --> 00:19:54,425 Champagne! Champagne for everyone! 370 00:19:54,614 --> 00:19:59,404 So, Mr Very Rich and Recently Widowed Getty Part Deux, 371 00:19:59,662 --> 00:20:04,975 why don't you and I retire to your cabin for a private little "dinoir" of our own? 372 00:20:05,252 --> 00:20:09,291 - Oh, no. Thank you very much, though. - Are you sure I can't persuade you? 373 00:20:09,506 --> 00:20:10,859 Heartily. 374 00:20:15,889 --> 00:20:18,847 Oh. You've dropped your napkin. 375 00:20:21,729 --> 00:20:22,718 Oh! 376 00:20:25,400 --> 00:20:27,709 You've got a starfish in the middle of your... 377 00:20:31,323 --> 00:20:32,802 Oh, ha-ha! 378 00:20:35,578 --> 00:20:39,617 Meet me round the back of the lifeboats in fifteen minutes. 379 00:20:39,833 --> 00:20:41,346 No. No, thank you, huh... 380 00:20:41,460 --> 00:20:43,894 (MUFFLED PROTESTS) 381 00:20:46,632 --> 00:20:50,068 The United Nations is an international organisation 382 00:20:50,261 --> 00:20:54,049 that America and Britain consult to see if they should start a war with somebody 383 00:20:54,266 --> 00:20:57,656 and whose advice they then completely ignore. 384 00:20:57,853 --> 00:20:59,366 ...Which is why I strongly believe that military action 385 00:20:59,480 --> 00:21:02,677 should be taken at this juncture. Thank you. 386 00:21:02,859 --> 00:21:09,173 Thank you, Prime Minister. I now call upon the Prime Minister of Japan, Mr Udigawa. 387 00:21:14,664 --> 00:21:18,976 (MR UDIGAWA BEGINS SPEECH IN JAPANESE) 388 00:21:22,298 --> 00:21:23,777 (MOUTHING) 389 00:21:23,883 --> 00:21:26,272 (SPEECH CONTINUES) 390 00:21:33,436 --> 00:21:35,188 (WHISPERING) Do you want to go out for a cigarette? 391 00:21:42,613 --> 00:21:43,648 (WHISPERING) Can I swap with you? 392 00:22:11,563 --> 00:22:12,552 (WHISPERING) Pass it on. 393 00:23:34,658 --> 00:23:38,333 And so our voyage of discovery has come to an end. 394 00:23:38,537 --> 00:23:42,576 What interesting insights we now have into the people of our two nations. 395 00:23:42,792 --> 00:23:46,148 We've learned that the British and Americans have two legs, 396 00:23:46,338 --> 00:23:49,455 that they both eat food and that they sometimes wear hats. 397 00:23:49,633 --> 00:23:52,147 Fascinating! Goodbye! 398 00:23:52,197 --> 00:23:56,747 Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0